by Dr Bronwyn Leigh
How does becoming a mother challenge a woman’s sense of identity?
Profoundly. Moving from woman to mother requires a significant reorganisation of identity and relationships, and importantly, this happens over time, not in a single moment.
We often see phrases on social media like, “the moment a baby is born, so too is the mother.” And on one level, that sentiment captures something real. Birth is an incredibly profound moment. A woman enters a new role and there can be a sense of rawness, tenderness and unfamiliarity as she meets both her baby and this new version of herself.
But the idea that a mother is somehow instantly “born” in that intense physical moment of birth can also overlook the enormous psychological work that begins long before birth and continues long afterwards. Throughout pregnancy and early parenthood, many women are slowly reorganising their sense of self, making space internally for this new role and identity.
From this perspective, motherhood is less a single moment of transformation and more a process of becoming. And that process looks different for everyone.
This is such an important thing for women to know. I’ve seen many mothers become distressed because they don’t immediately feel like a mum. They might start worrying that something is wrong with them, or that they’re not good at it. In reality, some women begin to feel that identity forming in the final weeks of pregnancy, while others only start to feel settled into the role months after their baby arrives, once they’ve had time to get to know their baby and themselves in this new relationship.
Often the identity begins to take shape during pregnancy, grows after birth, and then settles more fully over the first months of caring for a baby. It can take time to fall in love with your baby, and it can take time to recognise yourself as a mother too.
And of course, many of these questions about identity and selfhood also arise for men as they transition into fatherhood.
About the Author
Dr Bronwyn Leigh is a clinical psychologist, perinatal and infant clinician and early parenting consultant. She is the Director of the Centre for Perinatal Psychology. Bronwyn is an expert in the psychological aspects of becoming a parent, the emotional development of infants, and parent-infant relationships.
